Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
