One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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