i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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