I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I could fuck to npr.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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