fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
