You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
