We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
