Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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