look no pants
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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