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I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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