Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
