You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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