ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
