He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
