Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
