Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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