Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
