Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
