you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
