worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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