Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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