I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
