I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
