i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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