My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
