Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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