Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
