you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
