The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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