No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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