anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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