come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize