Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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