I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
