It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
