No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
