Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
