we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
