you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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