i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
