i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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