Yo dont text me then not text me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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