how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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