is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
