i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
