In the future we'll all be gay
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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