I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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