don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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