This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
