she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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