You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
