whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
