i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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