and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
