did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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