mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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