Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
