yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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