We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
