We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
