I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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