i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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