dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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