Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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