toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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