He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
