I only kidnapped one of them. chill
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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