I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I believe in your delicious
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
