I just threw up on my dentist
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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