just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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