your thong is hanging out like whoa
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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