Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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