my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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