I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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