Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize