I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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