Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
