so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
