the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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