Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
