that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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